He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
