I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
Randomize
