To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
Sometimes I refuse to go through a door until someone holds it open for me because I'm a fucking lady.
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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