3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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