You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
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