Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
