FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
