Pants 0. Shit 1.
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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