Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
I did the mature thing and subtweeted that bitch. She follows me so she'll see.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Randomize
