She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
