She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
So if I tell her fire is hot and it will burn her... she's probably just going to keep throwing her vagina at it huh?
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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