god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
so we'll all just be running around naked, basically. and high.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
So add panera bread to the places i love to eat that i am potentially banned from.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Randomize
