she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
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