Your tits are I can't wait for
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
