just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
Randomize
