Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
