real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
