If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
