Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I pour the whiskey from now on
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
Randomize
