A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I just want to make out with him forever
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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