I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Randomize
