if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
I dk what to do with this kid he is like legitimately interested in my life.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
Lets just put it this way. Im meeting his nana after a mind blowing orgasm.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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