I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
