Who did Billy Mays play for?
i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
