I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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