He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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