I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
Randomize
