Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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