Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
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