Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
Before we started fucking, he laid me on the bed, and asked my what my sleep number was, so that i would be "comfy"
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
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