Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
Just puked in the monkey exhibit at the zoo. They ate it. I don't want a pet monkey anymore.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
Randomize
