I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
he has to serve us drink and appetizers in his french maid costume for the Pirates game tonight. Bring everyone.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
