they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
Randomize
