There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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