It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
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