so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
2017 is gonna be explosive... Already watching fireworks out the window while shit my brains out. Happy Ew Year
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
