If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
