shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
she is like a cock bee. instead of going from flower to flower she goes from cock to cock
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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