Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
We need to figure out what we are doing for halloween asap. I'm not going out like a punk ass bitch burger king again this year.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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