Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
