Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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