guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
That shot was terrible
You were like one of those guys at carnivals that spit out fire..... Except it was throw up
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Sorry I've been a slutty nightmare this week
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
