hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Nothing screams fatass like a pizza that doesn't fit in your car
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
