Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
