So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize
