4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I found you laying in the kitchen with a bottle of vodka and a slice of bologna on your face. You said you were having a spa day.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
