I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
