no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
