i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
