Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
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