Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
