i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
we got kicked out of the bar last night for sneaking into the back kitchen and eating handfulls of cheese in the walk in fridge
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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