Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
goodnight i made you a song goodbye
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
