Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
Randomize
