you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
Randomize
