I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
