I heard we made out
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize