i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
I think we need to stop being best friends, its not good for our vaginas.
I am actually insulted by the long string of ugly, fat girls he hooked up with after me.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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