my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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