he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
