i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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