My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
What's he like?
The usual. Sarcastic, dark, full of fucked up emotional problems that result in fantastic sexual prowess.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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