Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
