White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
