hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
